Fade

Participated in an international meeting. Made a presentation for the first time in ten or so years, renewed my acquaintance with researchers both in academy and business, catching up on our recent activities, which for my side is nothing but stagnation.
A small problem for me was such innocent and casual questions as "who do you work for now?"
Since I'm self-employed I don't work for anyone but myself... and my family for that matter. However, in the science world... and our society in general, it seems you have to belong to somewhere, academic or business organization that should certify your background. Without exception, they showed a slight sign of surprise to hear "I'm a consultant." The word consultant has a connotation of a job in name only with no substance in it.
When I applied for the paper presentation on line, I needed to type in my affiliation and title. I borrowed the name of my client company and wrote it instead. Perhaps it might have been fine to write "freelance technology consultant", but referees would definitely find it easier to review and accept a paper if it was submitted from a reliable organization than from nobody.
Sure I'm getting nobody in this familiar world of science which I have belonged to and once used to take the membership for granted. Now I am gradually fading away. But isn't it what I have long wanted to do?
Good thing a collaborative research was offered to me from Nagoya University concerning my study that I presented but I don't know if I should accept it or not. I haven't decided what I will do next year. It might be about time I quit it all. I may have to think about life more seriously and prepare for that day when I fade away from life itself.

After one hour of my presentation answering so many questions, I felt really exhausted. I got old.