Too weak

Woke up at 4 am. My shoulder... felt dull and heavy. Not so acute... but... enough pain to disturb sleep.
Sleepless... sat up on the bed a while to wait the pain to pass.
Then usual vain effort to fall back to sleep. Half successful and half failure. I might have drowsed a few tens of minutes.
How long will it be like this? How long? I know it is a meaningless question. It won't help you with anything but to make you feel depressed. How many times we repeat such stupid questions to ourselves?
We are all too week after all...
Troubles... We can't face them straight. We look away from it to a world where we are free of them. How comfortable it should be. Why did I not thank our health more?...
We compare now and the past, now and future, you and me.... We keep comparing until our last day comes; our regrettable life with a better life that could have been ours if we had lived with more courage, with more love, with more pain, or more commitment, maybe commitment to the reality...
Too late... The god of death is tapping you on the shoulder. Time is up. We have no "another chance". Or have we? We are all too weak to live our absolute lives...
We compare things and all... looking here and there, the past and future looking for comfort and escape where we think we can catch our breath. But where we are looking at, there is nothing but a void.
All the excuses. But what's the use? We are all too weak.