Absurdity

We tend to think inadvertently that everything lasts forever. We take it for granted and never appreciate it. Then all of an unexpected sudden it ends. It feels absurd. Why did it end? We feel betrayed.
There is no explanation to it but... that is life. When my dog died when I was a child, I felt like this for the first time. I asked to myself why, why, why.... I did not know how to take in the fact that things are gone and would never come back.
It was too late. I should have given her more meat. I should have walked her more often to wherever she liked. I should not have pulled the leash so hard when she wanted to smell something she loved. I should have....... Too late.
When my father died.... I asked to myself...Had I been a good child for him? No. Did I care about him from the bottom of my heart? No.... It was only too superficial.
Didn't I only care about myself? Wasn't I thinking about my job being delayed by looking after him? I only played a role of a good son. I did not even try to understand seriously how enormous his pain, his fear was. How desperate he was...
I wonder if I could keep my sanity if I were him. I was so naive... He fought the battle. But me?
Too late. Everything seems too late.
I hear the voice echoing in my ears "That's life". That's life. That's life....
Absurdity...